The Road through my Fucked Up Life.

Road paved on 12:30 AM |

Forty-Forty, Deuce, Avante Server!

IMU Cup is going on and yours truly is not participating in any until I heard that our Tennis team needs players, if not, it's going to be a walk over. So I decided to join, on the logic that we are going to lose anyway, so lose fighting.

A few things to clear up before I go on.
1. I've never played tennis before.
2. Hell, I've never held a tennis racquet before.
3. And of course I don't even know how to play game and its rule.

But being the self-sacrificial kid I am, I decided to just go there and make a fool of myself. After all, we are going to lose. But guess what? Because of me, we got into the semi-finals, something our batch never did before.

Sheena: That's just because two teams pulled from the competition.

Hey, but before you judge, let me tell you, if not for me, we won't have a team and we won't be even in the semis!!!

Richard: Kembang sendiri.


So on that Saturday morning, I trooped down the Bukit Jalil Club House to play in the competition. Yup, no training whatsoever! Just got thrown into the lion's den with the lion waiting there to swallow me up. Kamikaze fighter pilot ready to go!!! Shiva briefed me on the rules on the way there and upon reaching Grace taught me how to swing the racquet.

Grace: Use the waist, not the wrist!!

And then after 20 minutes of trying to serve the ball over the net and failing, the competition starts with me and Shiva paired for the first match.

Elena: What the HELL!!! Fuck, screw it la.

My first game was the funniest game I ever played. It was so cool. I was up againt Elaine and her friend KitKat (sth like that). And when the ball came towards me, like weeee!!! I swung the racquet and totally missed the ball!!! Haha...

Then they served again. The sound made when the ball made solid contact with Shiva's racquet sounds good. It was like a gunshot, bang! but when the ball zoomed towards me, it was more of a thud and it flew to another corner far far away.

Mitra (opponent team) was yelling orders at me: Don't use your wrist, swing now!!! Wait for the ball!!!.

Even Elaine (opponent of the mattch) came over to teach me how to serve. It was a damn funny game. And the funniest would be when everyone is yelling at me to move (the rules of tennis is that you have to switch courts when and when). It was like: Elena, move to the right. Then Shiva serve. Then: Elena, move back to the left, NOW! Then Shiva serve again.

During that whole game... the competition was not really in anyone's mind. They were all about teaching Elena how to play the game. Almost everyone was screaming advices, Mitra included who keeps on yelling: Don't get excited!!! Wait for the ball!!


But during my second game... I did better.

Grace: Better than me too.

I managed to win a game by serving all the way. I did underhand serves all the way. The ball went thuck, bang, thuck, WHAM! and flew away so far (by the opponents). I did that about ten times and won that game.

And when we won it: Game-forty, I was screaming with joy and wheeling all over the place, screaming: Did you see that, did you freaking see what the first timer did?!!!

And as a beginner, it was good to break a serve and smash it into the opponent's court. It was like something only a pro would be able to do. The ball came whoosh, Shiva hit it back, bam, and the opponent girl (Sue) wham it back so powerfully. And I decided to intercept that volley. Smash!!! The ball landed right between both of them and they couldn't do anything about it.

The noob saved the day!!! I was dancing right at the court, everyone was laughing and I'm having fun, so why not??

But still in the end we lost the match. Haha... However, the noob showed excellent beginner skills. That's an Elena So-and-so (russian name) in the making here. MWAHAHAHA!!!

And it's all thanks to CK, Shiva, Phang, CalvinJit, Grace, SienHui, Elaine, Andrew(sem2), Sue(sem2), and not to forget Mitra.

Downside: I got really sunburnt. My neck was hurting, my arms are like lobsters.

Me doing the lobster dance.






And so IMU Cup is underway. M2/03 has made it into the semis for almost every game... and somebody please tell me why are we trailing behind M2/04 by 27 points????? Goddamnit!!! At least that shows that we the seniors are not playing dirty, so unlike the years before.

Madre de Dios! Es El Pollo Diablo!
- Captain Blondebeard, Curse of Monkey Island

We passed by on 12:30 AM |

Road paved on 12:20 AM |

News Update:

This is Elena's Sports News, bringing you the latest news on the ongoing IMU CUP 2005. Right now, the Female Futsal Championship is going on and the news so far.

For the past two hours, 6 teams has been trashing it out in the cages trying to outlast, outkick and outshoot each other with two teams emerging from the semis to battle it out in the finals.

In Group A, teams are M2/03, M1/04 and M2/04. In Group B, we had M1/05, M2/05 and Pharm. The defending champions M2/03 are the top favourites this year, but being SEM 5s, they are naturally targeted and everyone wants them to lose. Will they succeed to defending the trophy this year? M1/05 is also a favourite, with a powerful field footballer as the core of their team. They are hoping to topple the champions and claim the trophy for themselves. Will they suceed, or will they fail and have to try again?

And as predicted, both favourites would be meeting for the showdown of the season which would start in two minutes time. Two hours ago, the betting odds had been on the odds of nine to ten against, nine for M2/03. This equalled the betting odds of the match between ManUnited and Arsenal a few months back.

But those odds have even out with the injury of M2/03's captain and she is now out of the game. We will now go over to Lucifer Light to give us the latest coverage.

Over to you Lucifer.

Background noise:
Ole! Ole Ole Ole... (Sem 5)
Ole... (Sem 5), Ole... (Sem 5)

Zoom in to Lucifer:
Thank you, Elena. I am now standing in front of Bukit Jalil Sports Village where the finals of the IMU CUP Female Futsal Championship is about to begin. Tai Ken Lin has just been carried out by strongman Aravindra.

Span to the back and zoom in to a group of people surrounding a girl in agony:
Tai Ken Lin apparently suffered from cramps during the game in the semi-finals. Now she is placed in the capable hands of M2/03's basketball captain who is seen here trying to relieve the cramp.

Adrian Lim: Think happy thoughts, Ken Lin, happy thoughts.
Tak Ken Lin: Argh!!! Ergh!!! Argh!!!
Aravindra: You sound like you are giving birth.

Span back to Lucifer who stands with Bruce Lee:
With me now is the coach of team M2/03, Bruce Lee. Coach Lee, with your core player out of the game, is there any change in strategy?

Bruce Lee: The strategy planned for this game against M1/05 has been simple. Give the ball to Ken Lin at all opportunity and she'll score. We are planning to sic Tan ShuJ on Diana, M1/05's core. But I guess we have to change a little now.

And Coach Lee, who would you be putting in to substitute Tai Ken Lin?

Bruce Lee: Priya would be taking Ken Lin's place to score. But just because our star player is injured doesn't mean my team will suffer in any way. All my players are stars, they are all equally good. They will win this game.

Zoom in to Lucifer alone:
Words of wisdom from the Coach. Now let's move over to the opposition side and see what they have to say.

Zoom out and zoom in on a group of blue jerseyed players:
Here we have the M1/05's preparing themselves for the game. Tell me, girls, how confident are you in winning this game?

Big ugly brute: We will win la. With their star player out of the game, we can easily defend and leave Diana to do the scoring.

Small tiny bitch: Yup, they may be good, but we are better.

Some other girl: Sem 5 very big ah? We will squash them and go down in history.

Span back to Lucifer:
Ladies and gentlemen, words from M1/05. Good luck to both teams and this is Lucifer Light, reporting live from the gates of Sports Village.


Back in studio:
Thank you Lucifer. And now we will go to Raphael who sits with the spectators at the spectator's stand.

Zoom in to Raphael who is chatting with Raj:
So Rajinder, what do you think of the upcoming game between M2/03 and M1/05 with the injury of Tai Ken Lin?

Rajinder (cameraman): M2/03 will still win (indian accent). Their players are all very powerful. Well, they better win. I personally have half my fortune betted on them.

What about you, St. Peter?

Peter: I have faith for M2/03. They will surpass this obstacle and achieve enlightenment.

Zoom in to Raphael with players of M1/04:
With me are players from M1/04 who have just played against M1/05. So what do you think of the team M1/05?

Some girl: They are super rough. We are rooting for M2/03 to win.

Another girl: Tell them to watch out for that big ugly brute. She is fucking rough. They should just give her a red card.

There you have it, from the horse's mouth. And hark, I hear the whistle blow. Back to you, Elena, this is Raphael reporting live.


Back to the studio:
With me now is professional futsal player Rassam Badbess and Mr. Ho. So what do you think of the upcoming game?

Rassam Badbess: (in thick Kenyan accent) M2/03 is a wonderful team, well my team would easily pulverise them, but that's beside the point. I think M2/03 will win. They have good coaches and they train frequently.

Mr. Ho: The odds are pretty even. But I'm rooting for M2/03 as I think they deserve it better. M1/05 are really rough. If I was the referee, most of them would have been benched.

Ah, so both of you are for M2/03. Well, well well... we will now take a 10 minute break and we’ll be back with the results of the Finals of IMU CUP Female Futsal Championship 2005.

Screen blacks out.


15 minutes later:


Zoom in to Elena:
The results are in. The match is over and M2/03 won the gold again with a win of 1-0 against M1/05. The decisive goal was by ______________. We will now go to Raphael who is still among the spectators.

Span to Raphael:
Elena, it is chaos of jubilee and sorrow out here.

Span to look at the entire stadium:
The huge crowd of people screaming and jumping over there are the M2/03 supporters who are wheeling about. And to my left are the M1/05 supporters who are crying dejectedly. Well, we win some, we lose some.

Zoom in to Raphael:
The match was nerve-breaking. With the goal at the 3rd minute, M2/03 seemed to be on the offence. There were many missed shots, but so is the same for M1/05. Close shots had the goalie screaming at her teammates. But overall, M2/03 played a pretty good game today.

Zoom in to Lucifer:
I am now standing by for M2/03 team who is posing for the camera. Their last game and one of their best. The fans are still screaming themselves hoarse. The girls are wheeling about in joy.

Span to M2/03 teams and supporters:
Bruce Lee: It has been a good game. By the 2nd half, even though there were close shots, I knew that we have clinched it.

Tai Ken Lin: We play to inspire others, and each other.

Rajinder: That’s our girls… winners all the way.

Elena: They are all champions, all of them stars.

Zoom back to Lucifer:
And this is how the cookie crumbles.

Back in the studio:
Thank you Raphael, Lucifer. And with this, we wrap up the Sports News of today. This is Elena from Elena’s News.

[The End appears on the screen]
Marle: What? This is ending already?
Lucca: That's what that word usually means!
- Slide Show Ending, Chrono Trigger

We passed by on 12:20 AM |

Road paved on 1:19 PM |

It's a PLANE!

Sorry for the late late late update. I know you guys would be strangling me for not driving this plane... but with recent oil price increase, driving a plane is a tad expensive.

But what have happened the last few weeks since oil price increase?


We went to watch STOMP the loudest musical, and it's true!!! It's so freaking loud I wonder those people on stage how could they hear themselves think. But it's marvellous, with some really funny scenes. There is no true plot, but it's just amazing how you can make music with so many things.

Well, I've been making such music since I was a kid. I'm just not smart enough to patent it to bring me a lot of cash.

But the real drama occured before the show. Richard drove, and when we stopped at a traffic light, a fucking motorcycle appeared out of nowhere and crashed into Richard's Kangoo. The guy literally flew into the car (well, half of him anyway), crashing the glass. He scrambled out - various cuts on his face - and fled the scene. Fucking piece of a monkey's ass.

We were saved from the flying glass by our head rest. The rest of the car was in a mess. We took down the number, went to report and found out that the number was palsu. Son of a bitch. There are just cowards like these in the world. I should have throw myself on him, injure myself a bit and then sue him for manslaughter.

That was what I suggested to Shi Ching, by throwing myself off the 3rd tier of Istana Budaya down.


National Health Sciences Debate came and went. Read here by one of the semi-finalists and here for Gongster's version. We could have gotten into the finals, our semi-finalists thrashed all teams in the finals, but we did not manage to step into that finals room due to the idiot-sity of a SINGAPOREAN bastard who can't adjudicate for nuts. Fucking piece of useless shit. You should have seen Sheena converging on him in a pissed off mood - like a Sheena who is in a seriously pissed off mood.

I adjudicated this time round, and being a Chair... (not a damn furniture, Chair with a capital C and short for Chairperson)... well, it was fun actually. To feel the power to decide which team dies... MWAHAHAHAHA!!! It feels good, but at the same time nerve-wrecking. Especially in that humour round.

Motion: THIS HOUSE JUST LOVES PLAYING DOCTORS.

I'll give you a minute to digest that motion. There was actually three humour motions: This house would love to be a desperate housewife, and This house would euthanise Britney and Kevin plus the above.

How would you have defined the motion THIS HOUSE JUST LOVES PLAYING DOCTORS. Leave a few comments on how.

The motion is just filled with sexual innuendos. Playing doctors... *hands rub together suggestively* Hehehehe... We came up with quite a few INTERESTING proposals and counter-proposals during training, like French Maids instead of Doctors.

And from what I heard from my other teammates, each room seemed to be having fun.

Scene 1: There is this guy who denies POI with "No, No, No!"
UiTM Danial (as a POI): So have you found the G-Spot?
Guy denying the POI: No, No, No!

Scene 2: IMU 1 vs IMU 3
IMU 1 taught IMU 3 about lubrication when IMU 3 demanded about going into the wrong hole.

Scene 3: Playing doctors will lead to World Peace.
The whole room was talking about sex when suddenly the third last guy suddenly talked about talking about sex is not a good thing.

Scene 4: IMU 2 rocked the hall.
The adjudicator was practically ROTFLHAO when Sheena got up to piss on the whole opposition bench.

Scene 5: IMU 5 having fun.
Their opponents do not know what gynaecology is, do not know what a stethoscope is. And IMU 5 had a time acting up front, like lifting skirts and all.

Everyone had fun rooms.

Everyone except me.

Opening Gov decided to run a serious case. This house just loves playing doctor because it is a noble profession. B-O-R-I-N-G!!!
Thank God for the Closing Gov whose extension was a total shaft, but it was fun anyway. Here is their link:

The OG talked about passion of being a doctor. We talk about passion of being in bed. When you have finish all thousands of position in the Kamasutra, playing doctor is an option. We are talking about the Patented Gynaecology Test where you open up your 'patient's' legs and ahem.

They went to describe playing stethoscope with your ownself and using the tendon hammer and scapula for anything but medical related.
But I couldn't give them the win because of the shaft.

And it took me a really long time to decide would they have won??? Sigh... but I love that team seriously. Damn humourous and all.

But at the end of the day... it still boils down to the adjudicators. I may not be the best adjudicator around (AIDA 1 is nothing - Dr. P, AIDA 1), but still I had fun being called "Madam Chair, Miss Chair, Gracious Chair." They should call the timekeeper the Table or something.


Helping a friend with Bahasa Melayu homework is fun. Making sentences with SUDAH, TIDAK ADA, TINGGAL, MALAM, SIAPA, APA.

APA- Apa khabar, Encik Azeem?
MALAM- Selamat malam, tuan.
and so forth. It was a homework and she was rushing for class. And the class was canceled. It was a class for people who can't read BM and the teacher wrote the announcement on the board in BM.

But we also got a lesson out of helping her in BM. We had English lessons.

Vasan: I saw this label of anti-lice. They call it anti-lices. Shouldny it be LOUSE?
Prasad: Louse is singular. Like Mouse plural mice.
Elena: And Hice for House.


And guess what? I lost YeeP's tendon hammer. Fucking piece of shit. I left it in the CSU pigeon hole where Hean Peng was the last to see it (other than the fucking scum of a thief) And when I went back 20 minutes later, it was gone... leading me to believe that the thief is either from M2/03 (as much as I hate to say it) or the Batch that came it later.

Fucking thieves. Who the hell would stoop as low as to steal a fucking tendon hammer? Then you think of fuckingly stupid IMU who sells the fucking piece of bullshit for a fucking slaughtering price of RM50. Son of a bitches.

But let's hope on the goodness of Mankind and maybe some kind soul took it to safeguard it. It's the tendon hammer with the initial -YP- written on its rod and it does not belong to me but my dear friend who is going to murder me if I don't find it back by next Wednesday. So any kind people out there? I won't say anything bad about you, so don't worry.


Maybe it's the devil moving around, trying to cause a rift between me and Yeep. We were discussing on how Satan goes around trying to turn people away from God and all and one of the best disguises he could go under would be a religious leader or something.

Elena: George Bush. Every dumb American thinks he's God.
CG: No lar... religious leader.
Elena: Oh... the Pope lor.

Anyway... I can only pray and dig out a fucking RM50 to buy a new tendon hammer when I can get it for RM30, but nevermind that. I'm taking responsibility. (EEYUCK!! Responsibility is slimy and heavy and awful. EEEWWWW!!!)


On a side note: Musculoskeleton results came out today. I'm getting a PSP soon.

Don't blame me. Blame yourself or God.
- Delita, Final Fantasy Tactics

We passed by on 1:19 PM |

Road paved on 12:36 PM |

A long week

Finally, the end of the frustrating week. Sat for the dumb MSK exam and PSP never seemed FURTHER away than today. Fucking piece of shit. 4 marks gone from the BS part, another 4 marks from the fucking Ibuprofen shit and another 4 marks God knows where... and then 5 marks from the whole shit of fucking Poliomyelitis and 3 marks from shit dog-gone shit of MCQ. 20 marks gone and there would be more disappearing...so shit hit ceiling high, the max I can get is 80(A=PSP), but I lose another mark and it would be A- = PSP no more.

And to think I slaved my fucking ass off for it. Studied so hard, had no life for one whole fuckng month, and what did I get to show it? No PSP and the degradatory term of KIASU or Library Royalty.

For non-IMU, the Library Royalty is a court of Royals in the Library.
Library God : A Sem 5 who has finish studying the syllabus (even the one not yet taught)
Library King: A Sem 3 who is seeking to follow the god's footsteps.
Library Prince: Richard (demoted from Library King)
There are more, but can't really remember. These Royalties are what we call no-life people.

So do you think I still should study????

Anyway, enough rant for the moment. Need to update you passengers on how's the week have been.

It's the time of the semester again. Juniors trooping in from all over the place. On the first day, I met them when they were walking down the escalator. They seemed to be an neverending flow. And the parents... what the hell the parents.

I don't remember my parents coming to my registration. They were kinda pissed for coming all the way from Klang to get some papers signed. But now, the parents seemed to be following the Kid around. (Like a baby's first time to school). And they are so worried about their children. Damn dumb. Come on man, they are in a University, not babies anymore. But guess Kids this days are really babies. A bit of 'rough' orientation and they complain and cry and go running to their mummies.

I was sitting in the Medical Museum that day, just using the computers and the Sem3s troop in with the juniors and I unfortunately became an exhibition for three different groups.

Alvin: Look, a very hardworking senior.
Hai Liang: This is Elena, your super super senior, tho she don't look like it. But she is very nice.
Deva: This is an example of a senior studying.

And to all three groups, I just have to retort: Go away, I'm not a zoo animal for you to gawk.

So, a very nice introduction to the juniors. Everywhere I go, I see this little brats lingering around and my hands start to itch, wanting to 'orientate' them.

Orientation = ragging and humiliate them

But with MSK around the block, it was tough (and I needed to get that A which seemed so far far away.) But it was interesting, watching the horse races from above and having Hai Liang bring up juniors to sing for YeeP and me.

HL: This is your two seniors. What are their names?
Jrs: Yee Pei and Elena.
YP: Sem what?
Jrs: (smugly) Sem THREE.
YP & I: WHAT?!!! We're getting out of here.
Jrs: No, no, Sem FOUR.
YP: I feel insulted. Hai Liang, is this how you teach Juniors?
Jrs: Ok, ok, sorry!! Sem..... TWO.
YP & I: ... ... ... ... Let's get out of here.
HL: What la you guys, these are your super super super seniors!!!
Jrs: Ooohhhh...

And they proceeded to sing a very funny song which flew over our head. YeeP and I were about to leave the scene when the rest of the Sem5s came out. We were gathering around the juniors when from the other side of the corridor, came this chant:

"All of them can go bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, all of them can go bullshit!!"

All Sem5s turned as one to look at the juniors pointing at us and screaming that chant. And we all stormed towards them. They were still chanting, even one had the guts to point her finger right at me.

Me: Who is your group leader?
YP: Yeah, where's your OO? (OO = Orientation Officer = seniors degraded to the level of juniors)
Group Leader: Ya, what?
YP: Do you know who you are screaming bullshit at?
Raj: There's a whole group of Sem5s there.
Jrs look to the other end and saw a huge group of Sem5s staring at them. Jrs gulp.
Me: Yup, super seniors... and who ask you to shout at us?

You should see that one girl who was screaming at me. She was so pale. That whole group was quiet, shuffling their feet.

The OO came up to apologise and we being the gracious seniors let them off easy. Damn, wanted so much to stuff those sick faces into a trashcan. Hehe, I'm so evil as a senior.

We proceeded thru the fucking exam without any problem and then Variety Night. The MCs were lame but so damn funny. They were the ones that light up that night and of course the newspaper.

There was one junior that looks exactly like Dr. Vishna. Freaking the same. When she walked on stage, we were like, "is that Vishna????" But that group barely finish their show. They started bad mouthing about the Orientation and the whole crowd of audience (all seniors) rose as one and started throwing newspaper balls at them, booing them off stage. That's what you get for being bitches and bastards, juniors. Learn well.

And then there was another team that started talking about IMU Cup. Now IMU Cup is organised by the Sem5s and were we pissed when they started badmouthing about IMU Cup. The Sem5s were shouting sky-high. This batch of Sem1s will never even touch that cup. We are going to totally trash these Sem1s.

And for the first time, the IMCC champ was won by an IMCC that did not even strip: The Swan Princess. S/He was so graceful, dancing so beautifully that even the rough tough Rape-Hounds were touched. It was a beautiful scene. And his/her voice sound so girlish and intelligence top-notch.

Judge: If you have a choice, would be you be a swan or a human?
IMCC: A swan, because I can then do it while flying or swimming.

S/he rocks!!


I could still remember my own orientation, and I wonder were we as irritating as this batch of brats? My Variety Night sketch was deemed too vulgar and even Sid (our cameraman) did not burn it into the CD. Actually it was a mistake on his part as he accidentally shipped the tape with my sketch to USA. Haha...

Sigh... I missed my orientation group, PANTIES PLEASE! with Sexcules and God Pussy and KiHiau... and my flag was still the best flag ever: Made out of NINE panties of different types. G-strings, T-backs... all kinds of panties. Actually we even put in Rahman's underwear becos we could not find enough panties. We sewed the underwears in and sewed ribbons on them. It was funny.


And the week ended. And a one week study break is coming up. YeeP is going back to JB to celebrate her birthday, Sheena is going to a Catholic Church Camp. Wonder what would they be doing there.

CCC, possible schedule:
0600 to 0630 - Wake up
0630 to 0800 - Prayer
0800 to 1100 - Rosary
1100 to 1200 - Silent Adoration
1200 to 1300 - Lunch (only bread, fish and wine)
1300 to 1600 - Mass
1600 to 1800 - Prayer
1800 to 1900 - Dinner (only bread, fish and wine)
1900 to 2200 - Rosary
2200 - Prayer and Silent Adoration till you fall asleep.
Hmmm... No offense to Catholics, but it may be possible.

As for me??? Sigh... Richard told me to study. But I'm on a study break!!!
I: What is study break?
R: A break from lectures so we can study.
I: Then what is school break?
R: Uh...
I: A break from school so we can go to school???


Anyway, blogged enough for the day. Going to go watch Charlie and the Choki-choki factory. Hopefully it's as good as the book. If not, Johnny Depp is good enough. Will review the movie soon.

Let's assume the best solution is to forget your duty.
But, that's only if you know the meaning of the word "preparation".
- Terminate (Deep Dungeon Tier 2), Final Fantasy Tactics

We passed by on 12:36 PM |