Thursday, September 23, 2004
Red Badge of Courage
The day dawned with grey clouds in the sky. From my sleep I rose with eyes heavy with sleep and mind numbed with blurness. I trudged to the bath-house and the cold of morning well-water jerked me alive.
Today was the Duel, the all important Duel that would see me through as a member of the great congregration called the Doctors.
I had prepared myself well, I had seen the wounds and injuries my fellow comrades had had, I had heard the trauma most went under. And now it's my turn to face the Duel and receive my honour, my badge of courage.
I took my place with my fellow students, learners of the great ways. The Master walked us through the rules, the dos and don'ts and most importantly the Duel itself. All of us, young lambs compared to the Masters, shivered with nervousness, fear and anticipation. Our body could feel the pain that was about to come, our mind could feel the pain that we were about to inflict on our closest friends that had been with us since the beginning.
"Now go!" cried the Master, unleashing us to our respective Duel court.
I met my friend/opponent/victim in open arms, with a comradely handshake. And then we stood apart, appraising each other nervously. My opponent is a she, and I knew her very well. She sat beside me in classes, she was my teammate in futsal, and now to injure her? Lord, have mercy, but better me than someone else.
Thus I began the ritual. "I choose you to be my partner. Do you consent?"
She bowed. "I too choose you has my partner. Do you consent?"
"Yes I do, and I will allow you to go first."
We grinned at each other and prepared ourselves. A Master stood aside to watch us, we fumbled as we searched for an opening in each other. Then the Master announced that it was time.
I took my position, baring my defences as one would do in the Duel. She searched for an opening. It was hard, it took utmost concentration and several corrections by the Master. But she finally found it and readied herself.
I steeled for the pain that was to come. She hesitated and the rest of the crowd shouted encouragement. I turned to her too. "Take courage, my friend. I am willing."
So she attacked. I looked away, not wanting to see the wound to be inflicted, but I felt no fear, the Master will see to it that I would not be too severely injured. The worst that could happen had already happen to another friend, the horrible wound given by her lover himself.
The pain was sharp, sudden, but brief.
I felt the weapon dug into me, but I daren't look. I could feel the weapon searching, searching, searching... but she couldn't find the opening to draw blood. Everyone encouraged her on as she retreated and advanced, retreated and advanced, dancing a dance to draw my blood, but it was futile.
She released me from the hold and stepped back in defeat.
"First blood!" cried someone as a single drop of blood appeared.
I grinned, relieved to be out of that ordeal, and I gazed down at my, MY red badge of courage. It may be small, but it is still a RED badge. It was barely visible, a sign of my opponent's effiency to inflict only slight wound, even though no blood is drawn.
"Now it is your turn, my friend," declared my victim in defeat. Tis is the ritual, "To attack, is to be attacked".
She bared her defences as well and her openings were wide and easy to tackle. I armed myself at once, ready to attack and to draw blood at first blow. I calmed her down, despite my own hands shaking with nervousness as I was about to inflict wound on her. But she too would bear the red badge of courage as I now bear.
"Ready yourself, my friend. Scream at the pain." I chose an opening and attack with full fury.
"Fresh blood!" shouted someone excitedly. "Go deeper!"
I pushed again and and blood seeped into my weapon. "Is it enough?!" I shouted my challenge, she nodded quickly.
"Release me!" she cried in fear, and that I did. Releasing her from her hold, I retreated. I grasped her hand, demanding that is she alright? She nodded her head weakly and I grinned at her.
Blood has been drawn, the Duel is over and I am the Victor. With practice and training, I will join the ranks of the great congregration called the Doctors.
My friend/opponent/victim was disappointed as she drew not my blood, but the Master just shook her head. "Tis is a challenge. Only for the Advance. Go search for your next opponent, but one with easier openings."
So we bowed and parted ways, still friends.
My hands, stained in blood drawn from my opponent, I seeked out others to Duel. My hands itched to hold the weapon and to draw blood. And I seeked out others to take up my Challenge, to draw MY blood.
The challenge was taken, by another who was a challenge himself. He came at me full force and no Masters around us. His weapon lingered on me, like a poisonous snake who seeks to destroy, and only destroy, and my heart raced at the pain that I knew I can never run from.
This time the pain was different. It was harsh, and it lingered on as he dug deeper, wanting to draw blood, but drawing none. He forgets I am a Challenge too, my blood to be only drawn by the Advance. He retreated after releasing me from the hold and sat back in defeat. The wound was larger, blood trickled more, but I just smirked at him.
"My second red badge of courage," I declared with pride, as I turned to walk away from him. I have not been conquered, but I have conquered. And I bear two red badges as a sign of my honour and my courage.
Hehe, so how was it? Most of you would be wondering what in the bloody hell was I talking about. Maybe some only.
The actual scene happened in CSU, where we took turns drawing blood out of each other. I had small veins, so no blood could be drawn from me. Hehehe... but ShuJin sure has beautiful veins, damn easy to draw. Just pierce, draw, remove. So easy.
Everyone was so afraid about the torniquet. Guess looking at Sheena has freaked us out really badly. But today's experience has been exciting, and I indeed wear 2 badges of courage on my arms, not like SOMEONE I know who is too afraid to do it and seemed to come out with some many reasons and excuses to run from it.
But in the end, I still wonder do I have the guts to draw from patients? My nervousness lies in the harm that I may cause them. But I find that I do well by thinking to myself, "They feel no pain." Somehow it calms me down a lot. Hehehe..
Going back to apt soon. Stomach not feeling too well, must be something I ate. Hehehe, reminds me of yesterday when we came home from mamak. Richard was driving us (me, Caryn, Zosimo Ken, Peter) back from the Revelation talk at Tropicana and we had mamak at Tmn. Mayang (behind Jody's hse). All of them had Carbonara (dunno if I had spelt that correctly) and on the way back, this conversation ensued.
Caryn: I have indigestion.
Peter: Caryn's stomach got identity Crisis.
Elena: "I am not the stomach, I am the RECTUM".
Dunno where it came from, must be that huge Mango Shake I had. Heheh...
Anyways, gotta log off now. Must study and stomach feeling weird.
Everyone feels sick the first time they kill someone...
but killing is one of those things that gets easier the more you do it.
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