Friday, April 06, 2007
God is good...
...AMEN.
Yes, my results are out. And God has been good.
You would think how appropriate it was, it being Good Friday and Easter is just around the corner. A time of remembrance of my Savior who hung out on that cross like how those Jews will hang out their clothing. Ok, maybe wrong analogy. But He was left there on the cross to die, and why?
For me.
The thought was humbling, the very thought of it was painful and with that came pure gratefulness. Ever since I have taken Him into my life, my life have been nothing but pure blessings.
No! I'm not just talking about my results (well... partly yes as well). But it seems like my life is somehow so much easier to live in, even though it is a fucked up life. I am surviving in this fucked up life, I am contented and happy with this fucked up life, and this is all because of my Lord Jesus Christ.
The Christians always say how God put barriers and pitfalls and traps and mines to test us, to make us suffer, because we believe that only at the time of crisis and suffering that we are closest to God. But won't take make God a very sadistic god?
Forgive me Father, for I have blaspheme.
But I do not believe that God wants us to suffer. God is good... sure he has put many many pitfalls before me, but somehow I have not reach a part where I really stumbled and sat down crying. And God has been good that way. He never gave me a pitfall I never could climb out from. Whenever I fall into a large big hole, all I have to do is pray and not worry about it. God will get me out, God will bring me to His arms and comfort me. I can relax knowing that He is there for me, all the time.
For example, a very close person to me was diagnosed with the big C thing a few years back. All my family members were afraid, they started clamouring around like lemmings who lost their heads. But I found myself just sitting back and relaxing, knowing that God will take care of this, that God will care for the person, and for me. So why worry?
And I was so relaxed that I found myself thinking: Wow, what a cold-blooded bitch I am.
Then I started wondering if I'm taking Him for granted. I do not have to worry about my life, because He has taken care of everything, and He will continue to do so. I find myself having totally blind faith, I will follow Him and whatever He says is gospel truth. Isn't that what we are supposed to do? Trust in Him fully. Sure, sometimes I do throw tantrums, demanding why things go like this, but I accept it as well. He has something up His sleeve, I may not know what it is, but it is sure going to be good for me.
But as long as I trust Him, love him, desire Him... I cannot go wrong. So Father, take me into Your arms, this little daughter of Yours, and Amen.
Fear is a stupid emotion.
- Luca Blight, Suikoden II
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